About me
My special interest is the Mind. So, it's natural that my practice focuses on the power of the mind. I work on shifting people's centre of awareness from completing repeating cycles, to connecting inwards. This leads to pattern shifting, heightened perceptions of reality, and access to a new way of being.
I focus on this because I feel like it's the reason I'm feeling alive, passionate, enthusiastic, and excited about life today. There was a time that I had little to hope for, and little that I felt, inside me. Life just kept seeming like an uphill struggle that I had to escape from.
Then, I became able to experience life differently. The only way I can describe it is that I could finally feel Life. I could feel Life as a whole sense experience that is available to attune to: without needing external validation to feel worthy of experiencing it. Life's been inherently richer since.
Read my journey below.
Upbringing
I grew up doing my own thing, most of the time. My parents ran restaurants and worked a lot. They were slaves to their own pursuit of freedom, I felt, because no matter how hard they worked, things didn't get easier. I saw them try extremely hard, their whole lives, at the expense of being present with my siblings and I — and it was this experience that made me consider if the American-inspired Dream of working excessively hard to 'make it' is worth it at all.
I believe in working passionately, because it holds deep meaning for you. It holds deep meaning for you because it is for the good of you, of those you care about, of the people around you. Working without this meaning feels like an empty pursuit: it is draining, life-taking, and it keeps you held back from the greater meanings in life: connection, time and presence with those you love and care about.
I went through multiple periods of my life where the given focus was to achieve status, money, and hopefully some sort of liberation as a result of that. I was placed in the Oxford-Cambridge group in my college, a college where I received a scholarship for my high grades. I didn't care so much about what the university courses consisted of, I just knew that these universities were the best and I was "the best" because of my grades. It wasn't until my examination results came back that my self-worth plummeted.
For the first time in my life I failed. And for the first time in my life I realised that my worth depended upon grades on a paper. I wasn't 'the best' anymore. Instead, I focused on the fact that my Step-dad walked out the day before my final exams — also, the same year that I met my Birth Dad (so a pretty emotionally intense time period I must say) — and claimed myself as a victim of my circumstance. I went from being 'the best' to victim. Both noble pursuits to some sort of special meaning to overcompensate the meaning I felt lacking, within me.
Victimhood is only helpful for some time until it starts to become a hinderance. Instead of taking the time to work through my emotions, and the toll that my childhood had on me, I continued to believe that my circumstances were the only reason for my 'failure'. I avoided any circumstances that required I actually believe in myself enough to work towards my true potential.
Travelling alone was my first step to believing in myself. I was finding my path outside of the status games of education, and previous unfulfilled expectations now washed away.
Whilst travelling, I received an unconditional offer to study at a top UK University for Psychology. I took it. Little did I know, this experience would be my next lesson.
It was at university that I noticed the prevalence of hierarchy. Questions such as: "which school did you go to?" were searching for private school companions; where to place you in the lineup of privilege, importance, 'meaning'. The meaning that I wanted, at the time. Because I thought it was the only way to have meaning.
I went to 5 different schools growing up, so I picked the most expensive one and went with that. I went to a state school for the majority of my high school, but nonetheless, I wanted to play the game they were in and I wanted to play it well.
I made friends on a fake facade that was driven from an incessant need to fit in — to at least, be meaningful — in a stage of my life that I still felt meaningless in. I failed, before, and if my circumstances are permanent I may as well try to be someone I'm not to stray from that. Here is where the uphill struggle began.
The uphill struggle
The uphill struggle consisted of pushing myself to be someone I'm not: in relationships, in working dynamics — and my only escape was either to hide in my room or fly off to some faraway land and hope that one day I can stay in this existential escape hatch for the rest of my life.
I was very aware of the money that all of this costed. I had worked from 16 years old, and independently from 19. I took on the financial stress of my parent's business from childhood, and formed a business-savvy mind that saved me from experiencing it to the extent that they did.
Though, after experiencing estrangement from my family, the homelessness added financial pressure, and COVID meant opportunities became sparse. I worked, but not for anything that felt remotely meaningful or aligned with my values.
I found my way through working for the money that I eventually came to lose in 2023. The savings I built for a house deposit I lost in a crypto investment, and failed, again.
They say resilience builds character, but I believe it breaks you down in the raw components of who you truly are.
In the space of 3 months I lost my money, I lost a love whom I attached all my worth to (a heartbreak), and my health started deteriorating. For the worst. I experienced a severe unexplained reaction to a procedure that broke down my collagen and hyaluronic acid in extreme amounts: resulting in joint issues, loose, wrinkling skin, and nerve tingling that sent me into anxious meltdowns whenever I felt them. Now, not only did I lose what I associated my meaning to: my money — I also lost confidence in my looks, which I also associated my meaning to. In a society that praises unrealistic standards of beauty, I praised my own when I injected filler and botox into me. That is what caused my health to deteriorate.
Now, I had to reevaulate everything. I had no choice. I had to move back to my Mum's, I had to heal, I had to get through it.
This time period taught me that acceptance is key. Relationships may not be ready for healing, nor be able to achieve such a thing — at least not in the timescale you hope. Acceptance is allowing the other person to be how they are, and whilst removing your need to change them you set yourself free from the ability to be okay dependant upon their opinions or views towards you. This was a hard pill to swallow, given that a part of me still so wanted a Mother, yet, it is this part that we - you, I - can foster a relationship with, now. You have that right.
The same goes for any parts of yourself that believes they are not capable, worthy, or able to go towards what they truly want.
Upon working with my own Mind, I discovered that I have no desire to prove myself to people I have no reason to respect. Unjustified authority - the kind unaligned with morality - only push me further away from my true self, where efforts flow with ease and passion is at the forefront of my doing. I believe this is accessible to all, should we find a cause that holds deep meaning for us, and work for (or with) the people that support this meaning within us.
What I mean by meaning, here, is the ability to help people arrive back into themselves. Where they don't have to push themselves to play a status game that doesn't serve the part of us that needs true connection, presence and valuable time spent together. To put our working efforts towards conglomerations of energy that consume our life force without gifting us the reward of liberation is only proving itself to be an unjustified authority — unjustified in its ask for us, for our thoughts, for our creative ideas, without adding much value into the world we live in.
I don't know why this is happening, or how to get out of it. Though I do believe that breaking through the Mind's negative conditioning gets us out of automatic, repeating cycles that support this structure. It moves us into a state of living where our efforts are rewarded in relation to the meaning it gifts others. This is what I've discovered to be true, anyway.
The meaning you live by is the meaning you put your efforts towards. And to live by a meaning that rewards you in equal relation to the efforts you put towards it, is to live by your true meaning. That is, what is for greater good of you, of those connected to you, and of the world around you.
Our true meaning arises through the dismantling of our Mind's conditioning. Specifically, the Mind's conditioning that is unconsciously diverting our focus and energy onto repeating cycles that reinforce the belief that to be worthy of love, connection and accomplishment, we have to be someone we're not. By breaking through this limiting belief, and many others, we can live to our fullest potential. We can experience Life as a whole sense experience: awaiting us to experience its richness, its depth, its opportunities in full.
You cannot know what you're missing out on until you're experiencing it.
I help you experience it. That is my meaning.
Thank you for reading! If you resonate with my journey, it's likely we'll be a good fit to work together.
I offer Mind readings and limiting belief sessions. To try them out for yourself, book in below.
